When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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