I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
