Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
