it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
