PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
