woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
