the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize