the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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