I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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