He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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