Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize