RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
