"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
