Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize