My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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