summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
