She said her name was "party"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
