I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
