Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
