you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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