my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
