I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
