i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
