I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
