Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
