You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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