I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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