did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
