i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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