so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
