she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
