well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
