I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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