Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
