sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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