I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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