No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
