Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
