I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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