i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hell yes lets make some ravioli
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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