so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
