This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize