You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
