But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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