You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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