At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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