i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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