I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
