This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
