I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
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