Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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