So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
