i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
