when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
