I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
