I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
