Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
