you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
