Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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