you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
