Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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