Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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