She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
