i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
