i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
