CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
