the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
